The Novel Ate My Blog

I am totally slacking off at the Huffington Post. After meeting with Robyn last week and having her light the fire under my ass to finally get on top of that novel I've been working on for (10) years, I finally buckled down, put my nose to the grindstone, and several other cliches, and am DOING it. (Heh, I said "doing it.") I went to a few writerly websites, printed out some advice on fleshing out my characters, creating a semblance of a coherent plot, and not boring people to death with pointless setting descriptions and pointed myself in the right direction. I set a goal (75,000 words) and a deadline (the Juban Princeling's birthday, which is in early October) and sat down and just effing DID it.

After too many stops-and-starts to count over the past 10 years when I first came up with these characters, I finally have something on paper that resembles a plot. And now I have to translate that into an actual, you know, novel. I started exactly one week ago and as of right now I have 7,200 words done. I'm 1/10th of the way there!

Because of this, and because my freelancing career is finally taking off, HuffPo has to take a backseat for a while. I'll still do it when I can, but it's not my priority at the moment. I like writing for the Huffington Post, but they don't pay, and I have got to get this novel out of me. Like, NOW.

So off I go. Wish me luck!

...my novel, that is.

(Graphic from Friendly Spirit's Booklovers Shop on CafePress)

Hi Doggie. This is My Belly Button.

Healing, and Growing

Meatloaf Face, Day 5:

"This had better be important, Mom. You're interrupting my Elmo time."

The hubby and I are amazed at the speedy healing powers of toddlers. If either of us got hurt like this on our face it would take MONTHS to heal. I've been putting anti-biotic ointment on his nose and forehead four times a day, and that seems to be helping the process along. I'm glad - it's hard to look at him without my heart breaking. But the Princeling is a trooper, and doesn't even seem to be aware of anything wrong.

Elsewhere in the Lopez household, my herb garden is really coming along!

Tarragon, planted from seeds in April.

Oregano, planted from seeds in April.

And then I did that thing on Facebook where I made it look like my face was painted to support the U.S. team in the World Cup:

U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

And then my brother-in-law, The Professor, pointed out that it looks like I've turned myself into a Tea Partying ultra-conservative, because the right has pretty much co-opted all things patriotic, including our national flag. Well, I'm just not having that: I'm a liberal AND a patriot. I believe in reproductive freedom, gay marriage, welfare, health care reform, and I LOVE MY COUNTRY!

So, feeling patriotic, I bought some little American flags at Target, 3 for $1.99. (Made in the U.S.A.!) I put one between my two lavender plants.

So there.

Phantom of the Playground

This is what the Princeling looked like upon waking up this morning:

"My mom calls me Meatloaf Face."
(And yes, that's his thermometer he's playing with.)

Since we live in a pedestrian city and therefore we walk everywhere, we got a lot of stares this morning on the way to daycare. People's general reaction to seeing this on such a little boy was a combination of horror and pity, as if I was pushing Quasimodo in the stroller. As we walked out of the elevator and our upstairs neighbor walked in - our neighbor whose dog the Princeling is in love with and plays with - he said, "Oh my god, is he OK?" I said that yeah, he's fine, just ate some sidewalk yesterday, as kids do. The neighbor got onto the elevator with a look that clearly said he was keeping an eye on me and had the Department of Child Services on speed dial.

Meanwhile, today while I was out I took a photo of the spot where the Princeling fell yesterday:

The scene of the crime.

This is on the north side of 10th Street between 7th Ave and 6th Ave, in front of the first brownstone closer to 7th. The Princeling was running from the top of the photo area to the bottom. It slopes down, so he gained a lot of momentum from running, and that uneven part where the two pieces of sidewalk meet is a good 2 inches or so. When you're only 20 months old that's a huge gap, and so he lost his footing and fell face-first. Poor little guy.

I'm working on finding out to whom I should complain about this. I love the trees here, but the roots are killing the sidewalks and this is a real hazard.

I Was In the Sh*t, Man!

I love our neighborhood, Park Slope. It's family-friendly to a fault, Prospect Park is awesome, and we are never lacking for playdates and fun things to do.

However, the sidewalk situ here leaves much to be desired. The sidewalks are broken and uneven and a total hazard. Today I let the Princeling run down 10th Street from 7th Ave to 6th Ave and the downhill slope gave him momentum, and then he tripped over some broken sidewalk. He landed on his face, and after some kisses and bloody-nose wipe-ups from me, we kept going. The scrapes on his head didn't seem bad enough to warrant a trip to the pediatric ER, and within minutes he was back to himself, running along 6th Ave and playing with gates and such.

"Do I have something on my face, or something?"

Once we got home and I cleaned him up he looked much better. His forehead was barely scraped but very bruised. The tip of his nose and just below his right nostril were pretty bloody, but once cleaned up they made him look like he had a bad cold. It would be funny if it wasn't so heartbreaking for me to look at.

I called the pediatrician just to be on the safe side. The nurse I spoke with told me to watch him for the next 24-48 hours for any changes in behavior, and whenever he goes to sleep to make sure I can rouse him 10 minutes later. Well, his behavior is fine. We got home and he danced to Yo Gabba Gabba, colored, and ran around the kitchen floor as usual. When I went to rouse him from his nap he didn't quite wake up, but he's always been a deep sleeper. He did open his eyes and close them again, and kept moving away from me in his sleep. Since that's normal for him I'm going to go ahead and say that he's a-ok.

My nerves, on the other hand, are shot. This whole incident is reason # 4,692 why I drink.

Comedy Event Tonight!

I can't attend this because I'm a middle-aged mom who goes to bed at 7:15, but if you're in the NYC area and your bedtime is that of a healthy, child-free adult (or you have a babysitter), then I highly recommend Switzerland Neutral Comedy's swansong show at The Tank, which in honor of Pride Week will benefit SAGE: Services and Advocacy for Gay Elderly. It's hosted by my brother, Mr. Funny, one of the founding members of SNC.

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/114038

Toddler Self-Destruction Hilarity

In which the Princeling tries to cut off his toes, eats self-tanner, and nearly electrocutes himself, all within 24 hours of my best parenting moments ever.

http://tinyurl.com/25ep3or

Baby DudeBro

My BIL Gilligan has this term, DudeBro, which indicates a dude, usually white non-Jewish, who is or was almost always in a frat, and engages in the type of privileged culture that involves any or all of the following: sports bars, Bud Light, college hats and sweatshirts, careers on Wall Street, GQ, homophobia, and date rape.

See also: Garfunkel and Oates' hysterically funny video, This Party Took a Turn for the Douche.

It also usually involves polo-style shirts with the collars popped up.

So, since the Princeling and I had a few minutes to kill before his daycare babysitter arrived this morning, I decided to do an experiment: does a popped-up collar automatically make one look like a DudeBro, even of one is only 20 months old?

Let's see:

Non-douche collar...vs...Douche collar


Yup. Even a toddler looks like a douchey DudeBro with his collar popped up.

Mommy Confessional Time

Yes. Sometimes I cheat on the Princeling.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meredith-lopez/i-cheat-on-my-toddler_b_596495.html

Babyproofing Article for New York Famiy's June Issue

Look for it in teal-colored kiosks all over New York!

Playing It Safe